Thoughts

Was having dinner at my parents' place earlier and was just chatting with my mom over nothing of significant importance.

Was sharing with her that I have a lousy manager and that he hates me. Though my chicky pox was so long ago, now, he'll still bring it up to remind me whenever I'm on MC...

I was also then telling my mom, if he mentions about my long hospitalization leave last year, I'll bring it up to the big boss and complain about him.

And at this point in time, my mom became very excited. She began to tell me that I should being to take more nutritious food to build up my body so that we can be prepared for a BB. =/ And that her friends are telling her what I should be eating and all etc etc. My mom said she's afraid to cook / prepare all these tonics for me since we're still studying and if I really get pregnant then there's lots more other issues to think and to solve. The conclusion? Wait till we finished our course next year then she'll do all these.

I know the parents (seems to be mine, especially) are very excited for us to get pregnant and to produce them some little ones... But, we are the ones who have to pay and educate and go thru the whole process, are we ready?

I also know that one can never be too ready or too prepared... I mean, no matter how prepared one is, there can always be other things that are unexpected and not turn out the way we want or wished it to be.

I'm really in 2 minds. One on hand, I simply am very comfortable with our current lifestyle and have no wish for it to change. On the other hand, Hubby and the rest of the world wants to have children.

I know that it is the responsibility of married couples to reproduce... Just as God has also said, to multiply. But, can I be a good parent?

Isn't it worse if we bring our children to the world and then simply have no time, no energy, no attention on them? Leave them to the care of others? I know for certain this is not what I want for my children. I grew up with my grandmother as both my parents are working day and night to make ends meet. I hardly see my parents when I was young. Needless to say, I'm not close to them at all. It's only till recently that my mom and I gets along better. I still have not manage to bring myself to speak to my dad. He's a stranger to me. I don't know him and I doubt he knows me. Many can say, then it's up to me to make the first move to get back to him and to mend our relationship bah bah bah.... Honestly, I know I should. But I don't.

It's hard to grow up in a family where your father don't care 2 hoots about you and then to grow up and say... oh ya.... let begones be begones, we start anew and fresh. I wish I can. But I can't. I don't have the courage nor the 'want' to do it.

So many can say, I should make the first move and all. I have. I have over the years, made tiny little moves and all I can say is that it's not getting me anywhere.

I have tried to seek his approval when I first started dating hubby... I have tried to get him involved in my studies in the Poly... I have tried to get him involved in my 21st Birthday celebration... My wedding, the biggest moment of my life.... and all these lead to nothing. The guy, I call father has not made any changes to show me that he welcomes the change, that he wants to be a part of my life.

Hence, I have also shut him out of my life.

So, don't tell me to make the first move. I have and I had. If I were to stand before God now, I do think I can tell God honestly, yes Lord. I feel nothing for him, but I have tried. Maybe it's not enough I don't know. But I've tried my best.

I know very well this is not the kind of family that I want my children to have. But though I have the ideal family in my mind, I'm not so sure if I can make it happen. I've seen lots of my cousins & friends having children and it's tough. It's VERY tough. And having come from such a family, I honestly and seriously doubt if I will not follow their footsteps. I know that I can place my trust in God and that He can guide me along. It's not that I don't trust him neither do I doubt that he can guide me. My fear is also that I'm too stubborn for my own good.... that I refuse Him entry.

Am I able to make sacrifices like these for my children? I don't know. I really don't know. Godma and a close friend both said they think I am not ready to be a parent. And I totally agree with them.

I would rather not have any. But this is impossible in a marriage. Unless we've tried and we can't then that's a different situation. But knowing Hubby and the rest of the parents, if we, or rather I were to say we'll start trying now, all of them would only be too happy!

A close friend has been sharing that she wished to have children asap. I can feel her yearnings to be a mother. Yet, I'm feeling just a little comprehensive apprehensive on this issue. How does one know that they are ready to take on this huge responsibility of being totally responsible for a totally defenseless and hundred percent dependent little human being?

How does one know that the moral, ethics, education, teachings and all the rest is enough for the child? That the child will turn out well?

There's no answer to this and yet, these are the assurances that I deeply seek before I'm ready to move to the parenthood stage.

In celebration of The Holy Family

For a change, we went to CTK for evening mass. CTK was having a special mass for family and married couples.

I like Fr Yim's homily today. He based his homily on the documentary, "March of the Penguins." I've watched that before so I know what he was talking about.

In a nutshell, the male and female penguins will waddle their way to this secluded area in the Arctic and after the female lays a single egg, she will pass the egg to the male. She will then waddle her way some 100 km away to find food after having gone without food for about 2 months. The males will then huddle together to protect the egg on their feet.

Ideally, the female will return to the male and her chick. But in reality, she may not make it as she can be preyed on or die from the exhaustion. Once, the female dies, it's an additional 2 lives that will be lost as the male will not have enough food store for himself and the chick.

Relating this back to our own families and marriage. When one spouse fails, the whole family unit is affected. But of course, we are humans, with much more intelligence and integrity than a bunch of penguins but the basic is almost the same isn't it?

Both parties need to work very hard to bring the young to the world, nourish, nurtured and guide the young. That's the basic even among animals. Needless to say, us, Humans.

That left a strong impact on me.

The Holy Family consists of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Even the earthly parents of Jesus has their fair share of worries, difficulties and trials. But they have faith in God and all worked out well. I think it's very clear as to the answers as to our own set of issues, marital, parental or otherwise.

There was a couple who shared on their special child. The path was not easy. But they did it with the grace of God. And all I found myself thinking was, "This couple went thru lots for their child, they really have lots of faith in God but please God, please do not give us a special child, I don't want and neither do I think I can handle, but please bless this couple abundantly, bless them with the strength and grace to move forwards."

I was touched and overwhelmed by their sharing. But yet, I still do not believe that I will do the same if I am in their shoes. Such is the wonder of God. He really makes all things possible and even though it's not easy, He is there to guide, to hold, to comfort, to heal, to console, to be everything! As I think back of our recent loss, I can't help but also to thank Him. To thank him for being the almighty and to take care of everything. All I have to do, is really to let go, let Him take over, obey His commands and watch how perfect everything is.

The Family Group in CTK was very sweet, they made arrangements to incorporate a segment where the married couples to take their marriage vows again during the mass.

I was a little embrassed to do it in front of the congregation. But I'm glad we did. It felt really good to have our wedding vows repeated and to be reminded of it. The Family Group really put in a lot of effort, each and every pair of couple was given a tea light in a candle holder, beautifully tied with red organza ribbon and complete with 2 red roses! I believe this really took lots of time. That's not all, after the vows, the whole congregation recited the Family Prayer together as one. The prayer is very meaningful and really all I can say is...

"Thanks be to God most high for all his blessings on me and my family."

marriage

Went thru the course in CTK with hubby last Saturday. Spent the WHOLE day in CTK literally! Course was abit dry alot of it was covered when we went for our MPC (Marriage Preparation Course). So it's more like a re-fresher course for me.

But 1 thing that I really find interesting was the "FTFF."Somehow, after wedding, the hype and preparations and all, it sorts of die down to become a monotonous relationship. Wake up, work, home, dinner kind of life where the weekends are so busy with the chores and catching up on sleep and resting, it seemed a long time ago where hubby and me truly spend quality time together even though, we are alwasy together!

It kind of brings back memories of MPC that we went thru and also, it re-affirms our feelings and realtionships and committment to each other. Especially the time that was given for couple discussions and all. That sort of helped us to get back with each other and to talk.

Course books. The course fees of $40 per couple includes the course books and also all the meals for the day, light breakfast, tea break, lunch and yet another tea break! Quite worth I must say. I think sexual realationship between a married couple must be hitting some kind of statistics on paper since the whole afternoon was devoted to that. Or maybe, it's a more interesting subject and after lunch, where most of us are dozing off, it should keep us awake? Anyway, most of what was covered then had been covered in MPC, just that, there was time for QnA and also more time to go into details and also personal experiences.

We bought some more reading and audio materials.. which I'm not sure if we will ultimately read (which for the record, the purple book, we had it since Aug 2004 but it's still brand new!)... Well, just leave it there till one fine day la.

On another totally different note.... I really do LOVE my darling god-daughter!

See how 'sexy' she is?! Wah lau... so small can wear off shoulder top already!

This is taken at home... and I was just teasing the daddy that it must be very noisy at home, hence, she needs to cover her ears when sleeping! hahahaha..

My darling Clara. Just soooo cute!!!

Teach me how to.

Teach me how to be a supportive wife in times of trial.

Did we?

Got this from email thru a friend.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.

It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Indeed... Love is a Decision. (This was what we heard when we went through MPC and still we are getting messages like this after marriage.) When hubby upsets and irriates me, it is really hard to remember that I choose to marry him... But having said all these, since we made the decision, then I guess, we can only do out best and stick to the decision then.

our needs..

Sometimes, I'm wondering, how do I tell the difference between my needs and wants?

Hubby is starting to pay attention to this "need" and "wants". According to the book I read, "His needs, her needs."

Men and women has different needs and expect different needs from each other. But basically, there are 10 things which is in common between the both sex just that all the needs ranked differently.

I wonder, just how different are the both of us in ranking our needs?

Meeting Needs.

I am listening to a talk by Tony Robbin. And he also talk abt meeting needs of each other. That was the same thing that my Dear was telling me a few weeks ago. This talk is really interesting. Will update more on this after I have finished the talk. :)

Good read.

Was browsing thru someone's else blog and came across this. Too late for us to apply, but I guess it can help us to improve our marriage?

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no onewants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’regetting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love.” I believe is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there’s a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line- and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished” or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing.” So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?

Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc.? How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do
they show respect? If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they’ll have gratitude for you - who can’t do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve” them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it, “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage … for the worse!” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Source: loveris blog

Take me seriously, can?

Just after so soon that I was raving praises of Hubby, I got to come back in and whine. *sigh*

Actually not a serious thing lar. Just that many many moons ago, at least 1 or 2 years back, I told hubby (on numerous occassions) to go and do a blood test to chk if he needs to take the Hep B jab.

Today, after sooooo long, he has yet to do it lor. Not taken the blood tests nor the jab.

I'm feeling sian ok? SIAN!

Must I repeat and repeat and then I am nagging. But hello, this is HIS health we are talking about right? Not someone else's life right?

Just sian.

I have a wonderful hubby!! =)

I'm feeling so bless and blissful and soooo on cloud 9!

Hubby in his previous post was saying that he has a 3 million dollar dream. Everybody has dreams and this is 1 of hubby's. I'm feeling the way I did not coz he has this dream. But more like what he said towards the end of the entry.

"Hahahaha. Though she scold me, she is still my Darling. :)" This is the part that got me so happy and feeling soooo good!

Hahaha.. I really do have a wonderful husband, though at times, I know that I've taken him for granted, bullied him and really make him at the 3rd 'ring' of marriage. But being the way he is, he is quick to forgive me, and still love me just the same. Accepting my many many faults and tempers (which sometimes are just uncalled for!) and he patiently wait for me to cool down and always (well, almost) the first person to extend the wings of peace.

I'm soooo glad and happy that I am bless with such a guy. Such a treasure!










And since I have spoken so much... we talk abt the 3 million dollar dream. Aey! I am not materialistic ok, but we need $ to eat, to live and to raise our kiddies right? So since hubby want to earn 3 million for us. I'm not complaining! hahaha
Hm.... Firstly.. if really have tat kinda $.... a portion of it got to go back to God. He bless us with this amt and it's only right that we got to help the others who are mre in need.
Then... parents.
Of course, another portion must must must go into savings and maybe some gurateened and safe investments.
I would like to shift plc. Not to anywhere landed or condo. I still like Bishan area. Just tat, I would prefer a higher, non corridor unit as compared to now. And if we do get another flat, we can actually make a ONE TIME PAYMENT for the unit!! How cool is that?!! No housing loans for the next 20, 30 years!! Which by the way, our current housing loan is a freaking 35 years!!!!!!!!
Kiddies... hm... by then, I think we can afford at least 4 =) And I would like to send them for enrichnment classes like ballet, piano, tek kwando or art. Basically, anything that they are interested and shows a talent for lor.

I would want to continue to work maybe as part time. So I can spend more time with my children and yet still maintaining links with the market so that I won't become too 'Yellow' a.k.a 黄脸婆。hahaha.. also coz if I continue to work, I don't have to rely 100% on hubby to give me $ though I know that he can very well afford it lor. I just want to still have that tiny bit of financial freedom for myself lor. Modern woman thinking ma. Anyway, it's v v sian to ask hubby for every penny right? Recall the days when we were in school especially in Secondary schools? Somehow the list of needs and wants just gets longer and longer as we grow and everytime we want dough, the easiest & legal way (up to age 14 anyway) was to take from parents, but I recall my mom's face too lor. haha... so best is still to have some spare dough that I can call my own. Imagine I asking hubby like a couple of hundreds a month for my Fancl? Facial? Shopping? -_-"

I read in a book that, a wife should always try to make herself attractive to her hubby else (hence, the NEED for the FanclS, facialS, shoppingS etc), it's very easy for the man to stray. After all, the streets are full of sweet, young things which as I age over the years, I cannot compare to them. Only thing is then got to build such a solid and strong re-ship with hubby that he don't even want to think abt breaking this bond between us!

I like this dream! Hubby, I really do. Please go n do something about it! hahahaha

I Love You, Darling!!

Million Dollar Dream

WOW. 3 Million Dollars.... Hahahaha.

I must still be dreaming, yeah I am dreaming. But this dream seem so real that I could not sleep this morning. 6 o'clock in the morning I was waken up by the motor noise below my house. Then I start to think about how and I going to work toward this 3 Million Dollars. I was thinking so hard that I could not sleep anymore. It was only about a hour away from my usual time. So I decided to go for a morning run. The last time I run was last Wednesday. I must keep up with my running routine, so even before the sky trun bright, I was out in the park running. There are so many people there, but most of them were old people. My Darling was still on the bed when I finish the run. Haha. So this time I get to tell her to hurry up. Hahahaha. But I think I rush her too much that she forget to bring her handphone after I locked the gate and scolded me. Things are so funny, when I was slow, I was being scolded for being slow. Today I was fast, still I was being scolded for being too rush :( So I told my Darling weather I was slow or fast her face is always the same. like this --> :( Hahahaha. Though she scold me, she is still my Darling. :)

I Hate em!

Just yesterday morning, after I bathed and I went to the kitchen, to pour myself a glass of water, (Yes, I have this weird habit of drinking a cupful of water every single time after I bathe, I personally feel dyhrated after bathing and I must take gulps of water after I relief myself too!) I met my mortal fear! COCKROACH! Yucks. While the bath din manage to wake me fully, my fear did! That beastly thing was crouching near the plates. I DARE NOT even go near the dishes and the sink. SO what did I do? I did the most clever thing, I ran (yup! ran!!) back to the bedroom to wake up hubby and pester him to get rid of that beastly thing for me!

That tiny thing sure can run. Boy, even after we sprayed it with insectside, it was still running all over the plc. Finally, hubby caught it. Of course, hubby not too happy that he was waken up by me early morning lor. =( But I was really terrified of them ma.

I hate cockroach! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!!Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!! Hate em! Hate em!! Hate em!!!

For the first time...

I have been having this wish that hubby and me will wear the same design of tops when we go out for a long long time.

And over the years of pak tor with each other, we have been tyring to find either the same T-shirt or something but we just cannot find 1 that is suitable for the both of us. So over the years, I gave up trying to find what is called "lover's shirt" It's not the same as taking 2 same coloured T-shirt and wearing it together as compared to wearing a couple's shirts.

But I have also come to this conclusion. That is, we are simply not suitable to wear something like that, so now, when hubby and me happen to wear the same colour out it's just concidence lor. I mean, we were not staying together before marriage so I won't know what he was wearing for that day till I see him.

But over my recent trip to KL, I bought so many T-shirts for myself, and a few for hubby, it also nv occur to me that I can buy something for us in "His" and "Hers" design. Only till, I happen to see Trina took a photo of her own T-shirt and Kel's T-shirt that she bought then it suddenly strike me. HEY!! I bought something that can match each other very well. Like this. Hahah... Seriously! I think I was too disappointed over the years that's y never even notice that these 2 make up a set. Haha.. I think the photo that Trina took is similiar to this, coz I remember thinking, wow, Kel's shirt so big and Trina's shirt looked so tiny besides his. =)

So on Sunday, I made hubby wear this to church for mass. Do we look compatiable? Our friends who saw us says we are soo 'coorinated' haha.. I'm quite happy leh. Haha.. I know this is pretty silly la, but still I'm happy and tat's all it matters right?

A ray of sunshine... ...

After 2 nights of ignoring each other, we finally made peace.

I was just thinking back to the days when we were just dating, cold war and arguments happen and after a while it will be alright. But when there were moments where it's really bad, break up was an option open to us.

But after this incident, I realized something, there are bound to be more of such things, little little things tat will make each of us upset and irritated. But yet, splitting up is NO longer an option opened to us.

I have already given up that option to end it all when I said my vows...

Now, all the things that caused us to be upset with each other, if we don't want our marriage to break down, the only possible way wld be to forgive and to move on. To say it is so easy, but to really really practice it is not so simple.

I know that, I also know that when hubby tries to make peace, I should not be so stubborn and hold out and stay pissed off. But saying and doing is always 2 different story.

... ...

Still not in the best of moods today. Still recovering from the blessed doors 2 nights ago. I know it is not healthy to let the anger simmer and boil for so long. But truth be told, I am not angry nor upset that the incident happened. I am more upset than anything that I'm taken for granted. I simply don't understand why must he keep doing the things that I specifically told him to not do.

It's either I don't make myself clear enough as it is or he simply gets a kick in doing things that irriate me. Or maybe my threshold of irritating things are lower than the average normal human beings? I don't know.

Still not not talking to him yet. U can call it the middle of the cold war. Yes, he did explain to me why he did wat he did last nite and that he can understand my concerns. My point is, if he can understand my concerns, then why do it in the first place when he knows that I will be irriated and angry over it?? Then again, one can also argue that since he knows he is at fault, then 'forget and forgive' lor. Yeah. I know that too.

I can forgive but I cannot forget. Coz I cannot forget the way he makes me feel. The irresponsible actions that he did. I cannot forget that he knows I will be upset if he does it and he went on ahead to do it. Throwing cation to the winds.

I cannot forget that we stay at a corridor unit and burgalary is very 'convenient' for those who intend to break in. I cannot forget that it is thru our own carelessness that we allow this to happen. I cannot forget that he says robbers will choose richer family to break in.. (as though the bulgars will know which families are rich. HA!) I also cannot forget the danger that we are allowing this to happen to us. My heart missed a beat when I pushed opened the door. Afraid that something terrible has happened. I know that even if we locked the doors, misfortune can still happen, but it gives us that few mre seconds to pick up the darn phone and dial "999"? No? Rather than having the whole hse wide open and let anyone have their own way in our hse and our lives?

Yes, SG is a safe country but who is to say that this will not start fm my home? No one! No one can say that.

Yes, I am still upset. I am more upset that he disregards my fears, concerns and doesn't even care! I can live with unlock doors if it 100% will NOT threaten my life and my home. But that can never be the case.

So who can blame me for kicking up a huge fuss this time? This is really one time too often.

Grrrrrr!!!

Gosh.. I can't believe it! I'm fuming. F-U-M-I-N-G! GRRRRR!! And who am I soooo fuming mad about? The man I called HUSBAND!

Just what is so darn bloody hard to lock either the gates or the wooden door after coming home? True! I don't have to be so upset over this locking of doors biz. The catch is, I have already compromised with him!! and he is just taking me for granted! Basket!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!!

The very first time, he left all doors unlocked. Sure, I kicked up a fuss and in the end, we reach a compromised, as long as there is someone in the hall, the doors can be unlocked or just lock either the gate or the door.

So along the way, there are also many incidents where we forgot to lock or he din keep to his part of his bargain, I closed an eye.

BUT YESTERDAY IS TOO MUCH LOR!!!!

NOT in the hall and all doors unlock. I can't take it anymore. I lost my temper at him. I really really don't understand, I told him nicely, told him in english, told him in mandrain, shouted at him, flared up at him but it just don't work!!!

I don't know how to communicate to him. I feel he is soooooooo irresponsbile. Threw the safety of our home to the winds. I am upset. no.. I am more than upset. First is coz he once again ignored what I said before. And I am more upset that he cannot understand.

This morning, I din wait for him as our usual practise. Coz I had no inention to eat bf at hm in the 1st plc coz of the graduation ceremony. Maybe coz I am still upset. Tat also resulted in my 'storming' off. But wat upset me off, is the fact that, HE CANNOT REMEMBER & CANNOT UNDERSTAND.

Simply put, take me for granted. Not taking notice of wat I said. I have already told him many many times but he...

I don't know what language or how to communicate with him. I don't know what other language to use.

I think I am more sad than angry at this moment. And I really have no wish to talk to him now. Not last night, not today, not even later. I really really feel we used to be happier when we were dating.

Doing Wrong thing at a Wrong Time

Last Night was really a very lousy night. After the dinner at my in law place we went to take some bread and my wife was eyeing on the durain all those time when we were walking to the shop where her mother is working. To cut the story short, we went home and her mother call her to go back to the store to buy durain, so I went home alone and she went to buy durain.

After I reach home, I was thinking since my wife is coming back soon, so I just leave the door unlock, but closed. Then I wanted to watch TV and wait for her, but I saw the clothes hanging in the room, so I thought it would be sweet of me to do some house work before she comes home rather then watching TV. So I went ahead to keep the clothes. As I was keeping the clothes in the room, she came home, and shouted from outside to ask me to open the door for her. So I call out loudly that the door was not lock. My nightmare starts from then. The moment she came in the house, she shouted at me and said:

"Why din you lock the door, robber could have just come in like that. How many time must I tell you to lock the door after you come in. You cannot understand english is it. Then what language must I say then you can understand."

Well, first thing first, I think if I am a robber, I will not rob this family. I will rob someone who look richer than me. And I dont think there are so many robber out there to rush into ones house to rob, at least not in Singapore I think. It is ture that we should be careful when we open and close the door, maybe I really took sercuity for granted. But in the first place I wanted to help with house work that's why I was not in the living room when she came home. I was also very upset with the things she said, like wat language must I say then you can understand. I was angry and I was thinkning in my mind, "why dont you try speaking in Malay, maybe I can understand better." I know she was very upset with me, because she was shouting louder and louder. The only way I know to get out of this situation is to keep quiet and let her cool down before talking to her. I know I am wrong to take sercuity for granted, but does she have to shout. I know the more I say the more angry she will get, and I can sense that her anger had taken over her. She cannot control her voices. Well I think only lar.

After the shouting, she went on with her shower, and I went to other room to do some execise, and after that I refused to talk to her. As we went watching TV, I can sense that she was not as angry as just now, but still I refuse to talk to her. I was also very upset with the things she say, who can blame me for not wanting to talk to her.

This morning, I think she must be still angry with me. I was also a bit upset with her, but still, I poured her a glass of milk as I finished "dressing up" before her. I wanted to wait for her to have the breakfast together, but she took too long to dress up and she only drank the milk and took the bread to office to eat. When we were going out, I though we could have a bit of time to talk, but she went off with the lift before I could finish locking the door. Since she is so determine to dun talk to me, we will see how things go tonight.

Life not smooth... Hot weather...

These few days I must be doing something not very right. My wife keep upset with me. Hai... so sain. Sunday early morning being shouted, for not waking up on time. Then also some small thing here and there for the rest of the day. I think is because the weather is getting hot. I also feeling the heat liao. Hopefully things will change for the better. If not there will be more trouble for me.

Another weekend gone.

Hai... sad sad lar.. Another weekend gone and this weekend though long but we din rest enough.

And tomorrow onwards, I'm gonna hv graduation for the whole week. Will be tired out lor. The higest point of excitment for this week will be "the wedding of the year" on this Sat. haha..

But this weekend was quite special too lar, we went shopping, did housework (bleh!) went swimming and of course went for mass. I love weekends like this where we did things lesiurely and don't have to rush to go anywhere or do anything in particular.

I'm recently starting to read this book, "His needs, Her needs" on loan to me by my room mate, Ah Teck. It's really an interesting book. Describing in details why men and women are different. Also how to overcome or rather prevent. In fact, I much much prefer this book to John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." This His and Hers gave practical examples and also the points to lead up to the situation. What I like best is the opening chapter, "How to build an affair proof marriage" I think this is v v impt and relevant in our modern days now. Men (in general) succumb to temtation so easily and there are just tempatations everywhere no matter which way you turn.

I just started chapter 6 and well will spend more time on it if I can. Really interesting!

I hope hubby will read the book too and then we can discuss some of the points that was raised. =) Sometimes, being prayerful and just assuring each other is not enough. Getting to know how your spouse function is also a good way to bond the re-ship and to bring it to higher levels.

Bleh! Housework!!

Bleh!!! Sat is housework day.. or rather.. housework in the morning. Thank God, this morning din have to do marketing.. *hiak*hiak* coz.. the whole of next week, I have planned dinner right down to a 'T'! Hooray.. no need to cook, no need to wash up..

My planning goes like this.. and hubby is happy to accomdoate me!
Monday - Dinner at hubby's parents' home
Tuesday - Dinner at my parents' home
Wednesday, Lynn's wedding rehearsal - Dinner somewhere near CTK (if the coffeeshop is ready for biz) if not then the coffeeshop near our home. Oh yes! She wanted to borrow the easel from me. *makes mental note to bring it with me on Wed to CTK*
Thursday - Kickbox night. We will settle our own dinner ourselves
Friday - Dinner at coffeeshop or wherever the mood brings us
Saturday - Lynn's wedding mass. Likely dinner at coffeeshop again
Sunday - Lynn's wedding banquet. Dinner at RTC

See? I've got it all planned out! Haha

This morning, we had to wash so many things. Bedsheets and clothes and all.. Goodness! Hubby had the hardest time, he did all the heavy washes. I just stand and help and prepare lunch.. which by the way is yummlicious chicken and scallop porridge! =)

The usual vaccum and mopping and we were both beat! Relaxed with a DVD "Shall We Dance" Nice show! I love romance AND happy endings! =)

We ended our day with a swim and had dinner at KFC. *sigh* those fats just find it's way into my system again.. walked arnd J8 and we bought something again! This time, a top for myself fm Fox. Costs only $11+ after all the discounts! Cheap! Cheap! Suitable for me to wear to office lar, tat's y I buy.

J8 were having some sort of aquarium thingy.. so many fishes, lobsters, crabs and dunno wat else. Wat caught my eyes were BLUE lobsters and the clown fish look alike SHRIMPS!

They say, pictures paint a thousand words, so sme pics now to show what I mean..
I even manage to get a top from "Fox"! After the 50% off, there was also an additional 15% off. wah!!! Do you know how cheap it is after all the discount? Just slight over $11!! Yipee!!!