The 11 Forgiveness

Forgiving one another for the little hurts in marriage is a big part of building an eternal relationship.

Within a marriage, “little” things often have the greatest impact. And unforgiving attitudes about those little things often sow seeds of greater unhappiness.

Forgive me for not always being your friend, your husband and your partner.

Forgive me for the times when I am not someone you could talk to when you just needed someone to listen. I'm sorry I wasn't there to listen without criticizing or judging you or what you had to say.

Forgive me for the times I wasn't someone you could relax and laugh with. I remember that during our courtship we talked and laughed for hours. Sometimes it was on the phone or online chatting. Those were the times when we wanted to be with each other above all else. Sometimes we were very good friends.

Forgive me for not showing my appreciation.

Forgive me for the times I've taken your countless contribution--your gifts of time, effort, and concern for granted. I sometimes wonder how many times your service and acts of devotion have gone unnoticed. I suppose there have even been times when I thought they were merely your "duty," part of your marital responsibilities. It's true that there are obligations that go with marriage, but it still might have helped if I had expressed my appreciation more often. You might have felt more that you wanted to do those things, rather that you had to do them. I apologize for the times you had hoped I would notice and were disappointed.

Forgive me for the times I have been selfish. I'm sorry for all the times I satisfied my needs in ways that interfered with the satisfaction of your needs. I apologize for needing to be right even when I knew I was wrong. How frustrated and discourage you must have felt when you tried to express your opinions, feelings and needs, and I didn't hear you. Even more important, forgive me for the times I believed I was superior--more intelligent, more courageous, or more sophisticated than you. When I put myself above you in my mind I disqualified your ideas and suggestions, and I acted as if you were not worthy of my love. I can now more fully understand that we are truly equals in the eyes of God, and that this is how we should see each other as well. Please forgive me for my pride and my self-interest at your expense.

Forgive me for not placing you as my number one priority in life. I can remember times when I allowed my parents, friends or even job to be more important to me than your happiness and welfare. My intentions were honorable, but the hurt you felt was nonetheless real. I know your image of yourself must have suffered when you saw everything else in my life coming first. I do want you to know, however, that there have been times when I did make you my top priority, times when I considered your feelings first when making a decision. I may not have always decided in your favor, but at least I considered your feelings, Being as sensitive as you are, you were probably quite aware of those times and of the place you held in my life. Please forgive me for the times your place was not first.

Forgive me for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for waiting until you told me to do something rather than seeing and doing what was needed on my own. Sometimes I even waited too long and you did it yourself.

Forgive me for the times you needed your load lightened and did nothing in your behalf. I was probably preoccupied, but that's no excuse for being inconsiderate. Maybe I saw you as being strong and capable, not really needing my help. But since none of us can be strong all the time, I would especially like to ask for you forgiveness for the times I was not there when you needed comfort, support, and understanding.

Forgive me for not accepting a less-than-perfect you. I'm not sure why I expected you to be perfect when I have been willing to accept imperfection in others. Our parents were not perfect, nor are our children will be perfect. I accepted their imperfection as a fact of life, yet I insisted on holding you up against an ideal or fantasy of what a spouse should be. I repeatedly placed on you the responsibility for solving my problems. I gave you the job of maintaining my happiness. Apparently, I was more involved with wanting you to be perfect than I was with helping you seek improvement in your own ways. Forgive me for not accepting you for who you are.

Forgive me for neglecting your hopes and dreams. I probably will never fully appreciate the sacrifices you made to marry me. I know that you have had some of your dreams since childhood; there were places you wanted to see, things you wanted to do, and goals you wanted to achieve. Granted, some of them have been fulfilled, but some dreams still caused you to pause and think a moment before you dismiss them with a sigh and a shrug. Forgive me for the times when I have not considered your hopes and dreams to be as important as my own.

Forgive me for the promises, implied or explicit, that I have broken. I'm sure that at the time I made those promises to you I fully believed that I could keep them. Some can still be kept, while the time for others had passed. When we first got married, I made a promise to both of us that you would never regret marrying me. Forgive me if I have given you one momentary of regret for having made that decision. I would like to renew that promise: I promise you tomorrows that will be filled with both joy and sadness, but never with regret for having married me.